Mr. Walter, have you considered upgrading the bots to run off of solar power? I'm sure that the tops of their hats would be good places for solar panels!

Solar Paneled Giraffe. Hm…

After my tenth purchase, I did not, as promised in the advertisement, receive an assortment of bath soaps. In fact, I don't even think I received any of the products I purchased. What's up with that? I bet Becile Industries wouldn't do something like this.

That promotion is over a year old, sir. But bath soaps you might need to get clean after dealing with another robotics company!

Hello Internauts

It is I, Pete Walter, heir to the Steam Powered Giraffe pseudo-legacy and caretaker of its performing robots!

Do you like SPOOKY things? I know I do. Bat chips are a favorite snack when watching The Mad Men. And before you say anything, it’s not what you think!

Unless you thought I was eating bats made into chips. Then yes, it is what you think.

I also enjoy a good All Hollowed Evening on the Octobre Nachos. 31st. And we have some SPLOOKY shlows coming up in a variety of places or dimensions!

But I don’t know how to use our calendar so good luck finding them. I think there’s some SPOOKS we’re handing out in the form of buttoned art and maybe a few HOWLS AND HOOS for a rollicking good fright-time.

My costume this year you pray may ask?

I’m going to hang a tie on my neck and that means no entry bros! Hehhehheh! Means I got a lady friend in the dorm room and need you to go spend some time at the Del Taco or watching Riddicks.

…Get it? Because I…

look like a door.

Happy Hallow!

-Your Pal,
Peter Walter VI

officialthespine:

pawaltervi:

officialrabbit:

theamazingggthegiraffe:

officialsteampoweredgiraffe:

Don’t forget to reserve your tickets for the first annual Steam Powered Giraffe Walter Robotics Expo 2013!

what gives? You’re gonna plaster my face all over the internet in this awful advertisement? IF I HAD KNOWN THIS WAS JUST A STUPID MARKETING GIMMICK I WOULDN HAVE LET YOU TAKE THIS PICTURE SRSLY I THOUGHT THE SHIRT WAS A PIRATE FLAG AND I WAS WAVING SOME SORT OF PARADE STREAMER BUT I GUESS IN CONTEXT NOW IT DOES MAKE MORE SENSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WAS THINKING U WERE DOING HOW DO YOU TURN OFF THE CAPS LOCK ON THIS THING IS THE LIGHT BROKEN??? I KEEP HITTING IT AND NUTHIN HAPPENS WHAT IS THIS KEYBOARD FROM THE 90S???

GG you said you wanted to be included in the band more.

Wait, GG can use the internet? When did that happen?

You had me install WiFi cards in all the lesser robots last year Mr. Walter.Uhm, and by LESSER I mean notthethreemainsingingmusicalrobots. ¬_¬

That was last year. GG was still in that crate.

officialthespine:

pawaltervi:

officialrabbit:

theamazingggthegiraffe:

officialsteampoweredgiraffe:

Don’t forget to reserve your tickets for the first annual Steam Powered Giraffe Walter Robotics Expo 2013!

what gives? You’re gonna plaster my face all over the internet in this awful advertisement? IF I HAD KNOWN THIS WAS JUST A STUPID MARKETING GIMMICK I WOULDN HAVE LET YOU TAKE THIS PICTURE SRSLY I THOUGHT THE SHIRT WAS A PIRATE FLAG AND I WAS WAVING SOME SORT OF PARADE STREAMER BUT I GUESS IN CONTEXT NOW IT DOES MAKE MORE SENSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WAS THINKING U WERE DOING HOW DO YOU TURN OFF THE CAPS LOCK ON THIS THING IS THE LIGHT BROKEN??? I KEEP HITTING IT AND NUTHIN HAPPENS WHAT IS THIS KEYBOARD FROM THE 90S???

GG you said you wanted to be included in the band more.

Wait, GG can use the internet? When did that happen?

You had me install WiFi cards in all the lesser robots last year Mr. Walter.
Uhm, and by LESSER I mean notthethreemainsingingmusicalrobots. ¬_¬

That was last year. GG was still in that crate.

officialrabbit:

theamazingggthegiraffe:

officialsteampoweredgiraffe:

Don’t forget to reserve your tickets for the first annual Steam Powered Giraffe Walter Robotics Expo 2013!

what gives? You’re gonna plaster my face all over the internet in this awful advertisement? IF I HAD KNOWN THIS WAS JUST A STUPID MARKETING GIMMICK I WOULDN HAVE LET YOU TAKE THIS PICTURE SRSLY I THOUGHT THE SHIRT WAS A PIRATE FLAG AND I WAS WAVING SOME SORT OF PARADE STREAMER BUT I GUESS IN CONTEXT NOW IT DOES MAKE MORE SENSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WAS THINKING U WERE DOING HOW DO YOU TURN OFF THE CAPS LOCK ON THIS THING IS THE LIGHT BROKEN??? I KEEP HITTING IT AND NUTHIN HAPPENS WHAT IS THIS KEYBOARD FROM THE 90S???

GG you said you wanted to be included in the band more.

Wait, GG can use the internet? When did that happen?

officialrabbit:

theamazingggthegiraffe:

officialsteampoweredgiraffe:

Don’t forget to reserve your tickets for the first annual Steam Powered Giraffe Walter Robotics Expo 2013!

what gives? You’re gonna plaster my face all over the internet in this awful advertisement? IF I HAD KNOWN THIS WAS JUST A STUPID MARKETING GIMMICK I WOULDN HAVE LET YOU TAKE THIS PICTURE SRSLY I THOUGHT THE SHIRT WAS A PIRATE FLAG AND I WAS WAVING SOME SORT OF PARADE STREAMER BUT I GUESS IN CONTEXT NOW IT DOES MAKE MORE SENSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WAS THINKING U WERE DOING HOW DO YOU TURN OFF THE CAPS LOCK ON THIS THING IS THE LIGHT BROKEN??? I KEEP HITTING IT AND NUTHIN HAPPENS WHAT IS THIS KEYBOARD FROM THE 90S???

GG you said you wanted to be included in the band more.

Wait, GG can use the internet? When did that happen?

A MESSAGE FROM PETER WALTER VI:

Dear Internauts,

Last week I returned home from the hospital after a wild night Wednesday, May 29th. Earlier that day I ended up closing a blue-matter rift, opening a plethora more, and nearly killing myself!

As you can see I’m not dead, but I needed a day or two to get back on my feet. Nearly having your head incinerated will do that to you! I’ve been portal-hopping for the last week or so trying to ensure my little boo-boo didn’t have any unspeakably horrific outcomes for anyone else. So far I think we’re in the clear!

The love notes and well wishes really meant a lot to me in the face of mass speculations and outcries from the scientific community. I think I’ve gained a new perspective on life. But nearly having your face smeared like butter will do that to you!

I want to stress that The Walter Robotics Expo is going on as planned, just like my dad said. We are in full swing here at Walter Manor and July 18th is just around the bend! If my efforts weren’t already exhaustive, I now have an even more fervid passion to make this event go off with a bang. But nearly having your eyeballs blown to the back of your head will do that to you!

I should really get back to work. I need to prep a portal to the eighth dimension so I can feed my cat (who is from the eighth dimension and as you all know can therefore only eat food from the eighth dimension) and pick up Norman’s monthly Quantum Gyro.
No, I totally mean the kind with the tzatziki sauce. Not everything I say is something scientific and crazy.

Also, what the hell is this?

Meh, probably nothing I should be concerned about.

Stay Fresh Robut Enthusiasts and See You at WRX,
Your Pal,
Your Friend,
Your Bro,
But Not Your Brah,


Peter Walter VI

Walter Robotics Owner Peter Walter VI Hospitalized After Science Accident

By Walter Girl Bunny

May 30, 2013

Temecula, CA – It is with heavy heart that I must announce calamity has befallen the Walter family. Wednesday, May 29th at 11:15 AM a particle implosion hospitalized Walter Robotics owner Peter Walter VI. Walter Robotics, founded in 1911, is best known for the robots it created for local rock band “Steam Powered Giraffe.”

Early last week, Mister Walter (age 26) informed his staff of his plans to stabilize a quantum conundrum existing at an undisclosed location in Temecula, California. I, along with the other senior Walter Girls in Matter Management volunteered to help oversee his experiment. He declined, stating we were put to better use on less trivial things. My attempts to urge him otherwise fell on deaf ears as usual, but at the time of emergency, it was reported that government agents were on hand to assist him during the experiment.

A woman in sepia brown attire, one of the witnesses, informed me about what happened. Since none of the Walter Robotics staff was on hand during the accident, its the best account we have.

According to the brown-suited woman, who insisted on being nameless, Mister Walter had been working in a Temecula field from late Tuesday night into the early dawn of Wednesday with four portable generators and a computer array of his own instrumentation.

Though its not clear exactly what went wrong, the woman said Mister Walter unintentionally sealed a Blue Matter Rift he was planning on opening for high-speed travel, The subsequent dispersal of energy created a type of partial collapse that theoretically should have caused a massive explosion, but instead imploded into a singularity that backfired into Mister Walter’s face.

In critical condition, Mister Walter was rushed via helicopter to an covert hospital. It is reported no one else sustained any injuries.

As of now the extent of his injuries haven’t been revealed, but he is stabilized in a coma. His mother, aunt, and uncle left Walter Manor immediately after hearing of the accident and are currently at his bedside.

Personally, working at Walter Robotics these past few years has had its share of risks for me, but I understand the individual sacrifices we make working in the niche field that we do. As a Matter Manager, my unique position has its own side effects and concerns in working with unstable energies and quandary particles, but I know its for the enrichment of the science and all those who come after me.

Peter’s selflessness should stand out in this event more than anything. It is his motto and creed to take the bunt of the impossible dream, and it is his eagerness to bear this weight that holds us together as a company.

All of the employees at Walter Robotics wish Mister Walter a fast and full recovery. Our thoughts go out to his family, friends, and fans of his family’s creations.

Peter’s father, Peter Walter V, has insisted that Walter Robotics Expo on July 18th will still go on as planned. We’re still quite busy in preparation for the event, tuning up the Steam Powered Giraffe robots and scheduling our affairs, and we promise to do our best in carrying out his vision!

On a final note, following the accident something peculiar has arisen. We here at Walter Manor have noticed a lot of recent reports early this morning: a plethora of blue matter portals have opened in the strange matter quantum entanglement web. It would seem Mister Walter’s initial attempt to open up a single portal, though resulting in its collapse, has dispersed the energy into other rifts, creating a multitude of portals across the dimensional sea.

In other words, I expect a lot of Verkians, Kazoolanders, and time travelers to be able to easily attend the Expo in San Diego, California this July. However, I urge you all to respect your corresponding authorities in use of these new portals. The Cavalcadium has informed us they have relocated a lot of their members across Kazooland, and to expect service outages in transportation shuttles, anomaly doorways, and website use.

We will inform you all of any updates concerning the state of Peter Walter VI, and we hope you too will send your love to him and his family.

Sincerely,
Walter Girl Bunny
Matter Management Mistress

Regarding The Temecula Rift

Hello robut enthusiasts!

I’ve been receiving a lot of e-mail messages from 1998 and earlier, including postdated letters and telegraphs seeping through my 24th study.

Last time this happened I was accepted into Hogwarts, but I made sure to flush out all the owls (and the bats for vampire school) long ago- so it has me thinking…how did folks find the blue matter rift?

These concerned notes want me to open up a blue matter tear in Temecula so they can come to Comic-Con and…more importantly…Walter Robotics Expo 2013. But friends, I don’t think you grasp how dangerous tampering with it is!

You see, many years ago my Great Great Grandfather, Peter Walter I, opened up a blue matter portal in Balboa Park, San Diego. The rift caused a tear in the space time continuum that tore across San Diego and into Temecula, leaving two additional rifts leaking blue matter.

There has never been cause for alarm though, as the tears are microscopically small and cannot even be breached by conventional technology let alone an ice-cream holding kid with a stick poking at it.

Now the heart of the rift sits in Balboa Park, but the saturation of blue matter energy in the initial explosion basically collapsed in on itself, sealing it entirely. The second rift is where my Great Great Grandfather built Walter Manor, and while it housed the first stable blue matter portal, over the years it too has dissolved into the fabric of existence.

But the Temecula rift has always been a conundrum. As far as I’m aware, records show that it started out almost sealed and through the decades slowly started to expand. Today it is apparently so large it is cause for alarm. A survey of the area yesterday proved no grass will grow around it, and chinchillas seem to flock to it like pigeons to a Bugle ™.

It’s important to note that a blue matter rift is not visible and nigh detectable, but somehow notes from across space and time are recognizing the large amounts of blue matter energy and urging me to open up a new portal from it.

I want to meet Joss Whedon at Comic-Con too, but not at the cost of ripping apart the universe. My family has worked for years trying to fix the rifts and stabilize our portal, but sadly our long-gone ancestor took that, along with many of his secrets, to the grave. The only surviving Walter who may have some sort of idea is my father, and unfortunately he is suffering from mild dementia.

The craze of blue matter portals started with Peter Walter I, when he unintentionally and subsequently created an entire universe in a millisecond upon discovering them. Since then, these rifts have not only been a much-sought source of power, but even the tiniest of particles have been stretched open for one-shot teleportation and space-time jumping. Soon, we had all sorts of Verkians and their boiler machines running around, mimes flooding into Central Park…and I don’t think I need to tell you about all the cats that materialized into cyberspace and who have been slowly draining the internet of its affection energy.

I fear some eager time traveler or space jockey may take a sonic crowbar or astral key to the rift and turn us all into jelly, so I’m pouring over my research to try and find a solution.

The Brown Suits have quarantined the Temecula Rift on Earth in the most prominent time lines (somehow the 1970s seem to be the most eager to rip it open), and The Cavalcadium has secured the threads poking into Kazooland. Their locations have been extracted from your databases I am told, and I urge you all to have patience while we work. I have the challenge of basically condensing an ocean into a grain of sand, so I really don’t have enough chalk boards or walls to write down long complicated formulas on while growing a beard and not bathing.

I will still honor tickets being bought for The Walter Robotics Expo even if you’re using Ancient Roman Gold, so please, please, please have patience! We’ll find a way to get you through, even if it requires ten Supermans flying around the sun with the Star Trek Enterprise.

Sincerely,
Peter Walter VI

Hello robut enthusiasts!

I’m pleased to announce we’re now taking reservations for WRX 2013!
The Walter Robotics Expo takes place Thursday, July 18 in San Diego, California, and is your chance to see wondrous inventions from mad scientists, engineers, time travelers, and my Great Great Grandfather! Yes, including Steam Powered Giraffe, the robut band!

Our special exhibitors include Professor Elemental, The League of Steam, The League of Supremely Evil Revolutionaries (L.O.S.E.R), and Dino Staats.

You can reserve your tickets today and secure your attendance for July! But act quick!

Want to be a vendor at WRX?

We have a limited number of vendor tables available at the event for $75 each. You can register yourself a spot by sending an e-mail to 
queenbeesinfo@yahoo.com.

We’ll have more information on the events and happenings soon, so stick around!

Your Pal,
Peter

Folks always ask me if three musical automatons channeling self-oscillating blue matter cores are safe. But mostly they ask what a self-oscillating blue matter core is.Fret not, because here at Walter Robotics we take every precaution with our highly incomprehensible technology. We send a minimum of one Walter Blue Matter Engineer to every show that our robots perform at!Introducing, the Walter Girls!Being a Walter Girl takes months and months of extensive training to hone a specialized affinity towards blue matter itself. Even though malfunctions are (mostly) non-existent with the performances, Walter Girl Page and Brianna here are always on the job to make sure the robots’ machinery is working in top order. In addition to their expertise, every human band member on stage is required to endure a rigorous adaptation course in working with the robots, should the need for them to intervene ever arise. A Walter Girl and a Michael Reed at every show? Now don’t you feel safe?So don’t worry! You’re in good hands folks! And most of our Walter Blue Matter Engineers do have hands!-Peter Walter VI

Folks always ask me if three musical automatons channeling self-oscillating blue matter cores are safe. But mostly they ask what a self-oscillating blue matter core is.

Fret not, because here at Walter Robotics we take every precaution with our highly incomprehensible technology. We send a minimum of one Walter Blue Matter Engineer to every show that our robots perform at!

Introducing, the Walter Girls!


Being a Walter Girl takes months and months of extensive training to hone a specialized affinity towards blue matter itself. Even though malfunctions are (mostly) non-existent with the performances, Walter Girl Page and Brianna here are always on the job to make sure the robots’ machinery is working in top order. 

In addition to their expertise, every human band member on stage is required to endure a rigorous adaptation course in working with the robots, should the need for them to intervene ever arise. A Walter Girl and a Michael Reed at every show? Now don’t you feel safe?

So don’t worry! You’re in good hands folks! And most of our Walter Blue Matter Engineers do have hands!

-Peter Walter VI